Where the past mixed with a present in the green light.

The here and now in belgian café and cinema.

“Can’t repeat the past?…Why, of course you can!”

“So we drove on toward death through the cooling twilight.”
Francis Scott Fitzgerlad, Great Gatsby

  

   We were finishing to eat our "tarte aux pommes chaude" ( from fr.- "apple cake") with the whipped cream and ice cream in Koksijde in Belgium. I was drinking capuccino  and watching a sea through a pane, which has now, in the rays of the sun, beautiful marine color. Those rays where heating the big windowpanes, which gave a lot of warm to inside. That time when in Poland we started to have a heatwaves, here it was as usually- windy and  chilly. Upside there was ajar sliding roof and circulating air was gently enfolding our bodies. I looked at my phone screen. We had thirty minutes until a beginning of the film. Flushed with a moment we were waiting for a waiter in a big basket chairs. After a while we were going to truck to the cinema. Why in Belgium? The reason was simple- we don't tolerate a french dubbing, unfortunately all the films in Dunkerque are with a French voice. Bleeeee... It is not possible to watch it. Fortunately we live near Belgium, and there, it is quite different.

Beach somewhere between France and Belgium

    I don't know really why I had such a impression. Maybe people where better off, but every time when I was in Belgium I felt like someone who passed to the different world. All elegant, fragrant, with a sense of a style...They speak easily all languages. This is true, that they have a very small country and three official languages, but every time when I tried to speak English with someone I had no problem. In the cinema dubbing is only for children. The subtitles in Dutch and French at the bottom of the screen and what is the most important original voice of an actor. Mind you, the play of the actor it is not only a facial expression and a moves of body but also modulation of voice, which for me personally is indispensably connected with every person. 

- Voila, l'addition ( in French "here you have a bill)- comment dire ca? ( in French "how to spell it"?)- do- wie- dze- nia ( in Polish "goodbye")- said to us in our native language waiter, who without mistake had recognized Polish, when I was speaking before with Julie.  
- Oui, merci- I answered in French. I had such a nice lingual experience only in Belgium and Holland. In Lille waiters usually speak English. In Dunkirk it's different. One thing a waiter ones said to us in English, when  I've eaten the first time mussels and I left a big parts in a kettle, because my stomach averagely tolerates it, was a question-" not good?".
- Dziękujemy (in polish- "thank you") - answered in polish happy Juliet when she was leaving "pourboire" (in French- "tip").  Just after a while we were in the cinema. Glad we took our places in the seats and without a respite we were watching the next masterful role of Leonardo di Caprio.

Not far away past in Poland, the visit in Zakopane.

We were walking with difficulty, holding our hands, on a slippery pavements. From afar we   saw a Christmas tree and ablaze "Krupówki" (main boardwalk in the town "Zakopane"-winter capitol of polish mountains)  bedecked in the winter climate. 

 - Look!- it's here, pub with a green star- my instinct prompts me, that this place is cool- he was talking with enthusiasm in his voice. He was staring now at illuminative green light way of in the distance, totally inspired, like Jay Gasby in the film, which fascinated me with incredible atmosphere, colours, costumes and innovative soundtrack. 

- So let's go!- I said with surety and I went to the direction of the green light.

Inside of the pub was actually cozy and unusual. All was made from wood, the light was illuminated from few of stars placed in the different parts of the room. At the ceiling there was a strange sphere with a doodle. In a showcases handworks with possibility to buy.

I took a place in one of the corner at the table made from old sewing machine, entirely the same like we had at my grandma's house with a iron pedal to press to propel it with legs. On the table there was a characteristic bedside lamp. 

- It is "chouette" ( in French "cool")!!!- I expressed my happiness in French. 

- You see, I've told you, that my instinct doesn't let me down. I am doing  a lot of things spontaneously and usually it works-he answered with an undercurrent of satisfaction in his voice. After a while a pleasant guy came towards to us.

- Good evening, what would you like to drink?- ask nicely and hospitably in Polish.

-Hello!- said to him in English my companion.

-Oh, hi, where do you come from?  – he reacted very quickly and he was continuing now in English.

- France- answered my companion.

- Ah, salut, comment ca va?( in fr. „hi, what's up?”)- asked this time in French our host.

-Ca va bien, merci ( in french "great, thx") - we answered.

- Vous etes francaises? ( in French. „Are you French?”) – asked proceeding.

- Moi je suis polonaise ( in French. „ I am Polish")-  I answered proud of myself.

- Moi je suis francais ( in French „Me, I am French”)- added my companion.

- Tu parles francais (in French- ”Do you speak French?") - I ask with curiosity.  

- Un peu ( in French "a little bit")-  he smiled and added this time in English- so now I understand, u came to Poland after this beautiful polish lady- said to the direction of my companion.

- Exactly - answered my French friend. Like most of French I've known he wasn't really French background, cause his mother was Dutch and his father was Italian. But since he was seven years old he has lived in France. After while we tasted the Czech beer and the beer suds on expenses of the pub from pleasant owner. We were talking about the things we like.
- So you really like mythology? I participated in the mythological contest and I remember that I had to learn by heart all of 12 jobs of Hercules- I was explaining like inspirational.
- And which God would you like to be if you could choose?- asked me.

   - Aphrodite ( in Roman mythology Venus- the Goddess of Love)- I answered without hesitation- she came in to being from a sea foam- I added poetically.  But just after moment I regretted that I didn't choose Athena ( in Roman mythology Minevra- Goddness of Wisdom).
      - And you? - I asked him.
    - Zeus of course (a Roman mythology Jupiter- King of all Gods) - "what a sly dog"- I thought. He was more self- confident than me, that's why I felt so uncomfortable. On the other hand I really liked his ambition. "Gosh, I should choose Athena"- I said to myself in my thoughts.  Always so assertive with him I felt so imperfect and ashamed.

"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgiastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter--tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther.... "

***

We were sitting in very nice restaurant in Zakopane and we were consuming some highlander dishes. In the light of candles I saw his blue irises and characteristic wrinkles around his eyes. There was a couple right next to us, who was talking in Spanish.

- You see- he was talking with sotto voce in French, hoping that noone understands us- again some polish lady imported some foreigner guy- he smiled ironically. Sometimes his fascial expression reminded me indistinguishably the fascial expression of Ryan Gossling. But he hasn't the way of being like incurable romantic from one of my favorite film "Notebook", he persistently wanted to play the role of the guy from " The place beyond the pines", this one who is naughty with tattoo and motorcycle. In the same time he had ambition and determination like a filmic and a book figure- Jay Gatsby.  

- How do you know she is Polish?- I asked him surprised.

- She has ideal accent, but I heard how she ordered a beer in Polish- he answered. Now I was laughing.
- Yep, today we saw Polish girl with English guy, I am with French, and this babe is with Spanish. So everything is fine. We, polish woman concur to increase tourist movement and we show to the west countries how beautiful and incredible is our homeland.  

- And how beautiful and intelligent are polish ladies- he added fixating his sight into my eyes.

- „Merci, c’est vrai et c'est gentille entendre ca”( in French "thx, it is true and it is nice to hear it)- I said in French but again I felt that my confidence and forwardness evaporated for a  split second. 

"If you ride like lightning, you're going to crash like thunder."

How to get the look of "French lady" and shortly about french health system.

    

    Have you ever wonder, why all french have proprietary glasses? D&G, Gucci, Armani, Versace, La Costa, Ray Ban, Dior etc. The secret is "mutuelle"- French complementary health insurance. In France a part of taxes we pay with our salary like in Poland. The rest completes private health insurance. The basic heath insurance named "Securite sociale" ( card can have every person who works and pays taxes) repay about 70% for the consultation with a doctor, 60% for hospitalisation and even to 60% for some medications.  When we go to a doctor we give to scan our health card. Next, we have to pay for the consultation to the hands of the doctor. Return of our amount of the money we get directly on our bank account from a basic  health benefits. "Securite Sociale" contacts also our "mutuelle", which is making a bank transfer of the rest of the money. Most of French have "mutuelle" ( it is not obligatory) because it is very comfortable option for the patients. The month contribution depends on the sort of insurance and the package which we choose. Due to existence of a many companies which propose this sort of the insurance  there was created some kind of healthy competition between them. 

How to choose "mutuelle" and what kind of treatments are ranged in it.

    We have a pretty large choice of "mutuelle", all depends on our needs. For example if we need a dental implant or we need some callipers and orthodontic treatment it is better to pay a few euros more per month to have the  reimbursement or pretty high refund of a part of service. We have also the package for the families which is less expensive than individual insurance.  Mutuelle is also defrayed by the employer, or we have some kind of internal "mutuelle" which is less expensive in some kind of the same sorts of working environment.  The contributions are quite rational. When I choosed "mutuelle" at the first time I was in a hurry, because we have the real problem to get the basic health card. French bureaucracy it is the real horror.  Isa has got the card without the complications. Our employer sent the documents and she got her card by post. Me and July it is the different story.  We had been waiting for 4 moths when we decided to react personally in the source. We took the list with required documents. "Madame" asked about the stamp in our passport with date of crossing the border. We were shocked that such a person has no idea which countries are in UE and in Shengen Zone. For the second time they sent us back cause the first person forgot to tell us that we need our birth certificate, and the 3rd time that we still need to translate certificate.

    Finnaly we have got our "health card". Our first "mutuelle" was chosen very quickly so it was not the best option for buying the optic glasses for a good price. The monthly contribution was about 26 euros and I had got 80 euros of refund to my glasses. In the first year I've payed second time like that to buy the glasses with a little bit lower class.

    After one year we changed our "Mutuelle. With my second choice I pay a little bit less than 26 euros per month and I've got 130 euros of refund to my glasses. What more after 24 months of adhesion we have 165 euro of refund, after 36 months 195 euros, and after 48 months 260 euros for optic glasses. So guys, hope that now you understand why a lot of people here have very good quality glasses. The first time I came to France I was shocked, because most of the people who often don't look like someone who is well-being, they have such a glasses. What more not everyone will buy optic glasses every year. That's why, although it is not officially possible, we have the combination with a sunglasses. But this is another secret... Anyway this year I've bought very nice glasses and I could pay the same amount of the money as the last time cause my "mutuelle" give me pretty nice refund. 

   I need to say also, that often I pay nothing or almost nothing at the pharmacy. I have to only show to a chemist my card of "Securite Sociale" and card of the"Mutuelle". For the contraceptive pills you will pay nothing also. To compare in Poland I payed 100%, and when I had a flu I could spend about 100 zloty ( about 25 euros)! "Chapeau bas" for the french system of health.   

Adds in "mutuelle" and comparison with polish heath system.

    At the beginning  in my brand new "mutuelle" I received 40 euros as a cheque or gift to choose on the webpage. Besides, in my package I have, among other things, 50 euros per year for the sports activities, 30 euros per year for osteopathy, the vaccine against flu, 30 euro for pedicure and many other advantages. If I compare polish health system with french- to be honest I was spending much more money in Poland for the ginae, white plumbing and the examination which I had to make faster.  What more we have no such a advantages as in France.
  There is different when in Poland we have the insurance payed by our employer in a private clinics, which are quite expensive and not as rich like those in France. But most of the people in Poland has only the possibility of using only basic heath benefits.
   The french system is not ideal, has also some bad sides. In region where we live and also in small village exists notorious lack of specialists. That cause that patients can wait for dermatologist even 1,5 months, for the ginae even one month, for a dentist 2 weeks. Especially in the holiday period when everything is "dead" is France. In Poland, when there is a need and you have the money of course, you can find the specialist and private very quickly. The second problem in France is quite low quality of rehabilitation's service in bigger amount of the cabinets according to hospitals. But about that I'm going  tell you guys in other post.  

http://szpitaledlaludzi.pl/10,system_opieki_zdrowotnej_we_francji.html

Ghost of Christmas Eve

   Often I imagine, that I am watching my life with the eyes of me from the past. A little bit like Ebenezer Scrooge in the book of Charles Dickens titled "Christmas carol". I am making a kind of "time travel". But I see everything with the eyes of myself from 12 years ago. I am 17 years old again. There is a guide with me, who shows myself, the same like Christmas ghosts form the film, in some different stages of my life.

***

- What I am doing here?- I asked the ghost, when I saw myself in a small room with the foreign person with strange, cosmic glasses like from 3D cinema.
- You are a physiotherapist in the clinic in Warsaw. There is disbelief on my face again. I see myself  serving a weird machine, moving the small object along a spine of the patient. The picture is disappearing.

I feel often like Mr. Nobody from one of my favorite film.

"We cannot go back. that’s why it’s hard to choose. You have to make the right choice.

as long as you don’t choose, everything remains possible."

***

    The next one appears. This time I have a impression that I am a little bit older. I have different colour of my hair. I am talking with a tall man in a white uniform. 
-Do I speak in French?- I asked the ghost when I hear conversation in the foreign language.
- Yes, you are working in France in the hospital. This time I am totally shocked, I don't believe, I have the impression that the ghost is joking from me. Suddenly a girl, who is myself in the future turns her head. I see some sadness in her eyes...

***

     We are suddenly in my old apartment. In the front of a cot there is my mum. She looks so beautiful, she is very young, she has black, curly hair. 

-Mummy, mummy, I 'll show you something- I hear the baby voice coming from the crib. I come closer and I see small girl in the crawler with a dark hair.

- Gosh, it is me up there! I remember that day!- I say aloud feeling amazing emotions and joy from the past, which were assisted myself that evening.

- (Lyrics of the polish song for babies) Hop, hop, hop, hop there is no need to have a cord! A small alive Babygro is jumping like a squirrel!- sang with enthusiasm in her voice a small girl making a jumping jack. She is so joyful  that I couldn't stop staring at her. " Bravo, bravo"- is screaming my mum with a happiness with her voice. The image was starting to disappear.

 ***

- And who is that guy- I asked my guide.
- It's your boyfriend- he answered. You've met him him on the student's exchange Erasmus. 
-Was I on Erasmus?
- Yes, your stay in Czech Republic will be very rich of feelings and emotions which will change you forever.
After those words in my mind I see the pictures from not far away past, memories, the first treks in the Czech Republic and visit in Prague with my parents, brother and sister, pizza in Czech village.   Scenes, which I had only in my teenager's mind. I have the red high heeling shoes and short daring dress. I passed between the walls of the "Starahovny Monastery". Somebody is fallowing me. I hear the sound of marching feet. Suddenly I feel the hand on my shoulder. It is the same boy with the dark hair from pizzeria. He looks at me with the eyes burning of desire. After few seconds he is pressing me to the walls of the monastery and kissing deeply.

 The image is changing and I see again the guy with the blond hair. He is dancing with a brassy moving girl. 
- He is dancing?- I asked my ghost. Yes, he loves dance like you do. There will flare up love between you each other. 
I can not believe in the words of my my ghost again. As a 17 years old teenager I fondly believe that bilateral feeling of love can fight all adversity. When I come closer, I see the eyes and the face of man. He has the beauty of the angel but he appears to be foreign. I am smiling to myself when I am watching his silhouette moving in the dance. 

***

I was in the half- light now. I heard the music coming from the vinyl disk, which my grandma always played for me. This music lives always in me. Suddenly I hear the laugh and pitapat of a small girl. 
- Bravo, wonderfully- said grandma. From the half-light emerged a small version of me.She is making some turns, rhythmic steps and she is spinning in dance. I am like enchanted. I have my favorite woolen dress from the childhood with the braces- the gift from my "pretended" aunty from GDR. My small pony tale is jumping time and time again with the rhythm of the music.

G'up Dk- jazz&contenporaine

- I loved this dress- I said ones to the ghost spontaneously.
- You are like a real dancer, you dance excellently, you will be a dancer, bravo! - grandmother was shouting.To be honest haven't become a dancer, but my love to dance left for always in my heart and in the reality I have never stopped dancing.

***

We are transposing again. I see the small girl who is playing with a doll. She is beautiful, she has a pigtail from a golden hair. 
- This is your daughter- explaining the ghost- the biggest love in your life after your husband. I am coming closer very slowly to the direction of the girl to see her eyes and face. From the far away I hear my voice, I am talking with some man, we are laughing. Suddenly the girl seems to be feeling our presence and she turns her head. Before I manage to see her face the picture will disappear in the split second... I am again here, in France in the present. In the stage where there is nothing definite, future is creating now my dear reader and it is brand with the big question mark... :)

"I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid I haven't been alive enough!"

"Mr. Nobody"

A few words about Dunkirk and my first experience with the city

Memorial  table 

Dunkirk. This city was proceed from Flemish piscatorial hamlet about a year 800. For a good while it belonged to Spanish. 25.06.1658 ("la folle journée" from French “the day of folly”)Dunkerque passed through Spanish, English and French hands. The city is known from history. Here had a place popular "Dynamo" military action.

Operation" Dynamo"

Here had a place evacuation of british expeditionary force from 26th may to 3rd July 1940. Evacuation took 338 226 british and French soldiers. About this fact tells the flm titled “Atonement”, where plays one of my favorite actress- Keira Kinghtley. One day we watched this film in Isa’s apartment and we discovered that the main character was in our buker from the beach, not far away from the place where we leaved and worked, in Bray Dune. Atonemet it is a film about love in time of the war. This film is worthy to watch.

After war bunkers

Dunkirk (in French Dunkerque) it is an industrial Town. It has the third-largest harbour in France. In the outskirts there is a factory of aluminium( Alcan-Aluminium Dunkerque) and the factory of polymers, particularly of polyethylenes (Polimeri Europe France). This fact of existence so many industrial places so close to each other induces big risk of explosion, which could provoke a “domino reaction”. Dunkirk is also exposes to a nuclear explosion, cause not far away in the town called Gravline there is an atomic power station. Shortly, we live on some kind of a “bomb”, when some link will go wrong, it can cause the giant catastrophe with a very high extent with ejection of many harmful chemical substances. What is more despite of the fact that the industry depends heavily on the steel, food processing, oil-refining chemical industries, town has constantly the problem of atmospheric pollution.

 

Polimeri Europa

   We were walking about 1,5 hours when the big beach called “Malo de Bains” emerged. Along, there was a very long, about few of kilometers, pavement. The place, where most of the citizens and tourists were rambling.

Those second ones nowise, weren’t here much many. Mostly there were a citizens of Lille or Nord- Pas de Calais. Dunkirk wasn’t the touristic town and what more I’ve read ones in the polish guide that the city can be a little bit “putrid”. My first experiences weren’t very nice. When finally we reached the city very hungry and the lady in the restaurant was trying to explain us that we could have eaten nothing. It was after 3 o’clock p.m. when "madame" declared that we can only order some drinks and for eating it's “trop tot”( in French means “to early”). I went haywire. I didn’t trust about my skills in French and the way of approporiate appreciation of it. How it can be “trop tot”- I asked ones again cause I wanted to be sure that I understood in the good way. “Either trop tot, or trop tard”( “trop tard” in French means “to late”)- answered lady. “The kitchen is close between 2 p.m. and 6 p.m."- again I couldn’t have trusted myself. I made a beady eyes. “How it can be close when I am so hungry and it is the time for dinner?”. I felt like an idiot, my boyfriend who was Slovac also couldn’t believe in my polish traduction. We were visiting the city. It was windy and woefully. “The English publish of ferries which I had seen in Poland on youtube showed in different way this city”- I said to myself in my mind. There was a picture of a presenter in my memory with English accent . He was standing in the middle of the giant wonderful beach. Background I saw the guys making some watersports. The man with the triumph in his voice spread his arms in gesture of the presentation and he enunciated the most famous beach in the English history-“ this is Dukirk”- sounded his voice in my head. I set my teeth “ I will survive”- I thought. 

Malo de Bains

 Malo de Bains-beach

Beach- Malo de Bains

Belgian beer

    My first experience with the public transport wasn’t very good as well. Complicated timetable, bus one day goes to hospital another not. Ones he goes to the border town in France, other day to the Belgian town near the border and incompetent bus drivers! One of them decided to make a chat with his mate suddenly at the bus stop and don’t respect the hours on the timetable  or he forgot to change the information at the screen- in result I will go to Belgium instead to Dunkirk or I will be late at the train station in Belgium and I will take a risk that I won’t get on  time to  the airport in Brussels. So many strange situation I found in the bus. From very unkind youth smoking cigarettes and listening the music very loud to the human alien creatures who make the impression of absconder from rathouse. 

- Look, this guy has a coin in his ear!

- You are kidding- I answered to my polish friend in the bus. But Julliette had the right. The weedy and dressed in the old suit man had a dime in his ear. After while he turned his head and I added:

-What more in the other ear he has the second one- now we watched ourselves with disbelieve.

My experience in the public buses caused that buying a car became a priority for me.

Public transport- connection between France and Belgium

„ I will survive somehow!” – I repeated In my mind with anger. But the true was that every time me and my two polish friends- we tried to find myself in the new circumstances in Nord Pas de Calais we found ourselves disappointed.  I didn’t suit to this city, I didn’t feel comfortable. Even the fact that I like to wear a dress or short skirt caused that I was different than others woman  here. Every time I passed through the city someone was calling me, accosting, fallowing. ..When I came back to Poland I was one of the many, here I felt like  an extraterrestrial.

 


 


 

     One day I suggested for my girls that maybe we should move out to the city, not live near the hospital. Maybe than we could find some interesting places and get know some interesting people.

-And what’s the different?!- asked Isa with some reproach in her voice.- We have the car, for me there is no difference. You are really like “Princess de Varsovie”( in French means “princess of Warsaw)- she called me emphatically. But since that time my nickname of the warsaw princess has clung to me indispensably. I didn’t protest cause it was the true that I like to grizzle and I am pretty moody.

Streets of the city